Saturday, May 17, 2008
"" @ 2:36 AM
I spent at least 2 hours staring at the laptop, followed by furious typing, one that only happens when I have this massively major urge to rant about my parents, for only they have the ability to make me feel like my entire life sucks to the core.
At one breaking point I thought I would tear. But I am stronger than that.
I usually only cry when I get extremely angry or upset. But I didn't cry. Never shed any tears. I don't feel that now. Not anymore, maybe I forgot how. I am just extremely disappointed.At myself maybe, at them maybe. At how the standing of our relationship. Of how things used to be, things I wished to be. I am too tired, I'm too tired to bother being angry at everything anymore.
Again, as with most of the rants that I type out it gets deleted. See now that's why I don't update my blog as frequent.
Let me not be consumed by anger and disappointment. Let me wake up and see a beautiful morning. Show me again that rainbow I saw a few days ago, that one that made me smile and think how lucky I am to be able to see it.
I love my parents, no matter what kind of rubbish I have to endure I will always love them. Sometimes I just wonder if they really do love me, or what they feel towards me is just an inclination of obligation and responsibility as a parent. Because that is the vibe I get, that they try to protect me from harm because that is what parents do, but I question if the love and care is there. What kind of care?
Let me not put too much high hopes on anything ever again after this.
