Saturday, March 22, 2008
"" @ 1:28 PM
Today I strive to be positively happy where nothing shitty can get into my way and make me down howsoever. It is a beautiful Saturday where the sun is not that hot, it's not raining storms again...
yet. The weather is perfect! So I want my Saturday to be perfect too. Since it's been such a turmoil of emotional events the last few days.
I hate my own internal conflicts.
It's amazing how long I can stay angry at myself =/ I was angry because I know I was being selfish in many ways towards other people, even though it was just in thoughts. Which I feel even more guilty of because people will then think I'm all good and accepting but they don't know what goes on in my head, which can be totally nasty and selfish. And I don't want to ever behave like that anymore, because I should learn to be a better and more accepting person. I can help it, so I will. I just need someone to slap me whenever I fall back into that state of mind again. =X
Sigh. The more I talked to Starry about it and everything I think the madder I got at so many little things about myself.... and things around me. I'm just so so so glad that Starry is Starry and she has this uncanny ability to always calm me down and help me think otherwise. I don't know what I'd do without you huns~~ *hugshugs*
I know I made Josh feel uncomfortable that day when we went out too. That day... actually it was yesterday. It was yesterday. He said I was stoning. I feel so bad right now, cause half the time I really wasn't paying much attention to what was happening around me. I'm so sorry. I just don't know how to tell him that. yet.
Sometimes it's just hard to tell people things cause I don't want them to feel uncomfortable =/
I should try to stop thinking so much. Stupid, unreliable female brain.
So anyway today will be great! I will just coop at home and finish my assignments, well at least most of it... knowing me nothing gets done before due dates. Today will be awesome cause there's plenty of chocolates to keep me company and I can go walk the dog later and then finish the other two novels that my sister borrowed back. =)
Vampires are so *hearts*No more emo.
