Wednesday, February 27, 2008
"Succumbing to fear" @ 12:55 AM
They say that everyday there is a life's lesson to be learnt. Tonight I realise how true it rings.
Some S.O.Bs tried to snatch my laptop tonight whilst I was on my way home. It was dark at night, but the area was still pretty decently lit. There were two of them on a motorbike I failed to notice, as I had my back against them, the pillion rider made a grab for my laptop case. The main rider remained on his bike, getting ready to make a run for it once they got the laptop.
The jerk (oh, I'm trying to be subtle in swearing here =.=) The jerk had his black helmet on (well both of them did) as he came onto the bag, so I couldn't recognize his face, or beat the crap out of his skull till even his shamed mother couldn't recognize him.
But that's the angry me talking. I was too taken aback and freaked to even think about causing him pain. There were only two things swirling at the back of my head then.
Hang on.
Let go.
My head was telling me to let go, damn laptop was not worth it. Not worth my life. Or my limbs. My hand wouldn't, that damn laptop was already my lifeline in surviving college. Stupid reasoning, I know.
Still. You don't get to rational yourself out much under such circumstances.
Guess I was really lucky in many ways. Luckily that jerk was pretty small sized, roughly a match to mine. Luckily he was both smart and dumb enough to wear a helmet - I can't see him and he can't see where he's going. Luckily at one point I pushed the case and that caused him to trip and fall, probably hurt that s.o.b. enough to panic. Luckily he decided to bail out after I put up a fight. Luckily he wasn't holding any weapon of any sort, or if he did he didn't use it. Luckily a random stranger came running our way, that which probably freaked the jerk even more and caused them to take off. Thanks uncle, whoever you are.
Luckily today, of all days, I didn't strap the laptop to my shoulder which is quite a habit. All he needed to do was tug the case hard and I could have fallen. Luckily I was holding on to the case with my right hand my stronger hand, and I locked the car with the keys in my left. Usually it was the other way round.
Sometimes you wonder if it's really all just luck, or someone is really watching out for you.What frightened me most was the thoughts after the incident. Anger. Fear. Paranoia.
Lust for blood. Trauma. It was so hard to calm down. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to go home yet. Not in that crappy state. So I called him. omgs I dunno why I did it either, I just wanted to talk to him. It's so bad I don't even remember how the conversation went anymore. I was shaking heavily though, I could barely grasp the phone. And I thought of ordering burger. But I felt much, much better after the call.
I headed home instead. I thought I would calm myself down first, go home and smile. But you know. You should never underestimate mothers.
I rang the doorbell, the keys were in the bag which I couldn't be bothered to find it. My mother opened the door, the dog sneaked past her and started circling between my legs. Routine. As she fidgetted with the keys to open the grill door she looked up at me and gave a frown.
"Wow what happened to you? You look like crap," She said.
Mothers. It's like they have some psychic abilities.
So I told her what happened, figured I would sooner or later anyway. After this incident I shall now
finally have my own parking lot within the condo's vicinity, and mum nearly decided that I should have an escort every night back to the house. =_______= Nearly. I will never use this case again, but rather buy the smaller cute version soon.
Just goes to show that you really can't trust anyone anymore. =/ Stupid hamster eat hamster world.
After the whole re-enactment session I slacked by watching some TV before doing anything I should be doing... bathing, assignments etc. Damages was on. I couldn't chow down dinner. Mum watched beside me, and here was where the annoying scenes began to start. During every single commercial break she started it again. The 'what if's. I really hate the 'what if's.
What if he had a weapon. What if he just chopped your hand off? What if he stabbed you. What if he yanked and you fell? What if the other rider came and attacked. What if you hit your head and suffered a concusion.
She just had to. Glad Dad didn't. I know she's afraid it really might have happened, and relieved at the same time that it didn't happen to me. Her 'what if's were more traumatizing than anything though. At one point I had to stop her from talking about it altogether.It made me scared more than before. Made me hate the damn neighborhood. Made me wonder what has this world become to.
Sigh. Scumbags.
My right hand hurts. Up all the way till my shoulder blade it hurts. And for the past few hours I have allowed myself to drown in paranoia and anger while I nursed my pain with packs of ice. I thought to myself,
if I even see those s.o.bs ever again I will clobber them with a golf club and then feed them to maggots alive.
Then again................
Maybe they were desperate people too. Maybe they had someone they knew in the hospital they needed to save, with medical bills piling up, who knows? It could be desperate need for surgery, or theraphy. Maybe they're being blackmailed with ransom demands of a family member. Maybe they have a starving family,or community somewhere out there that needs feeding. Maybe they need to bail a friend out from gangsters and debt chasers. Maybe they really have financial shortcomings. Maybe this is the only way out that they know of.
Maybe these wouldn't justify their actions either. I dunno.
Its like the question of a man stealing food for his starving kid and a man stealing just because. Would it make the first man less guilty, or the latter even more?
Searching in this perspective made me less angry. The urge to kill died. It gave me less reason to fully hate them or despise them for what they do. I feel more at peace now, I can probably sleep better tonight.
Looking at the bright side, I still managed to save my laptop. I still have my limbs. I still managed to live and tell the tale.
