Saturday, December 1, 2007
"Thinking about Death" @ 2:22 AM
I believe I may have overkilled too many of my braincells yesterday. I felt light headed the entire day haha!
Omg. I just laughed for no apparent reason. Wtf.
Yesterday I had a private movie marathon session going on. Started with Corpse Bride, then Nightmare Before Christmas, then Charlie and the Choco Factory, then Sleepy Hollow. All Tim Burton, almost all dark, almost all with Johny Depp. Ended up in Pyramids later to meet Hazell and then later on
Kelvin. Well more like they found me.
Hazell knows my lifestyle so well she even 'predicted' I would be in Pyramids today before I even left my house =='' That's how we ended up
jalan jalan at Pyramids. Freaky. On the other hand, it's nice to know that you've only met a person for a short period of time and still can click so well. Sometimes a bit too well haha! We bitch together alot. My bitching partner XD
Kelvin was just around, and we bumped into each other twice at the mall today so ended up just
lepakking together till I had to head home. Had dinner with family at
Rotan Ungu then went home. The food was so nice but the rice turned so yucky since the last time I went there. So sad!! I used to enjoy the rice there, was actually the main reason why I decided to follow tonight. Mum even tried to make me drink some ginseng soup thingy and chicken wine..... Ugh gross. I'd rather commit suicide =/ Instead I had
puer cha, which at first was like a fantastic idea, but I had like, a whole teapot full to myself and now I am so awake O___O;; I thought I wouldn't be affected, since I've drank it before... I just forgot about the quantity problem.
I went home, and
entahlah I think somehow my mood changed. It could have been the tired side of me acting out, or the really lame movie I was still stupidly watching on AXN, but as my mind wandered off awhile I started thinking about meeting Death. I haven't done that in a long time. When I was young I always thought about it and feared it so much I could cry myself to sleep. Then one day I had the ability to just brush it off, thinking it as some sort of adventure. Today I felt that fear again. It just popped up =/ I wondered about growing up, about dying, about what happens after I die. Like, hey man I'm not going to ever exist once I move on. I won't have a conscience anymore! I'm no more. Everything I've lived for and everything that mattered, loved and hated.... no more. Then I thought, who knows maybe there is reincarnation. But I don't wanna forget either! I don't want to forget the life I had here, right now, this one. A little morbid and upsetting even for my standards. Anyway of course at the back of my head
oresama was already screaming her top off. She was like, wtf you thinking? What's there to be afraid of and stuff. You know,
die die la that kind of thing. Felt a whole lot better after that. But it still affected me, like I got pretty upset.
To top it off, I then had a chat with
T over the phone and I confess I may have gone overboard in letting off steam on him. Then again maybe not. I was okay talking with him until the topic about a friend's dog came up. Anyway it was his fault for bringing it up in the first place, should know better how sensitive I am when it comes to animals, and he already knows how much I do not approve of the friend and his brother's way of 'caring' for the dog. I don't know why humans can be so bastardly selfish. I know
la the two have problems, but its no excuse to penalize the dog's life and welfare for it okay, and I KNOW that
T cares for our friend, lets just call him
L la easier, and I know that was he vouching for
L from his perspective as a caring friend. I also know that L is doing the best he can under these tensions, still doesn't make me any less pissed off though. And I know you think I don't but I honestly don't care what you think now. I'm not saying what you think is wrong, I am just saying you disgusted me with your words.
"If you care so much for L's dog, why don't you go care about other dogs in the streets la?" If it wasn't because that's not
T's dog but
L's, I would have yelled his head off for saying that. If it wasn't because he was a FRIEND. A stupid blindly loyal one at that. This time not in a good way. Took me alot of effort to keep my voice on cue too. Talking to him only over the phone and not face to face, especially in a public place was probably the luckiest thing for him that could have happened this whole year. I don't know which is worst, people who don't understand the value of life especially that of animals that are vulnerable/helpless towards human cruelty and neglect, or the world having idiots who can be sarcastic about caring for life.
How
DARE you be not only sarcastic towards me for wanting the best for the dog's welfare, but challenge me on it as well.
If I were a Christian, or if HE were a Christian, I'd probably smack his head with the Holy Bible until his skull cracksOne is being irresponsible and not even bothered to look after the dog which he himself bought on a stupid STUPID whim, and one is so *censor* reluctant to take care of it. Why not just give it away? Solve the damn problem for the dog. Compared to your household that dog will fare better anywhere else anyway! WHY FORCE YOURSELVES DAMNIT. The dog was not born for the purpose of being thrown in between your conflicts and to suffer the consequences.
Sigh. I'm letting my anger do all the ranting again. In the first place I should not even butt in. I don't know the brother, not that close with L and it's not even my dog! Yeah, keep telling yourself that Suyin, that's like such clever logic. =/
You know what. I hope the dog dies. Then, I hope it'll stick to all you people's guilty conscience for the rest of your lives for letting a dog die due to neglect.
T, you can be such a jerk sometimes.
