A few nights back a friend asked me a simple question over msn, "How are you?". Funnily enough, I think that is the first time I've actually considered such comments seriously. Usually it's a given mindless "fine", or "been better" or even "ok la... u?" and such.... But that night, and ever since then until tonight, every time someone asked me the same question I would tell them that
I am Happy now
Simply because I am! I truly believe that despite all that, I'm a pretty happy and contented person right now. Not always, of course, just right now. I think maybe because I was slightly affected by the conversation I had with Xiong Ie that same night. And the things that has been happening to my friends, and things revolving my own self. Made me feel like happiness has been taken for granted. Like I have taken my own happiness for granted.
It came to a point where I was keeping counts of my pains, betrayals, distrust of people and fear. Sweet things that comes and go apparently doesn't stay very long in my memory.
Looking back, I now see that for the longest time I have been allowing myself to be surrounded by so much negativity, so much hurt, drama and trauma of o-t-h-e-r-p-e-o-p-l-e, which in the end slowly affects my own mood and mindset as well. It clouded my own emotionally stability. You realize that every time we talk, we don't talk about the good times or the good things anymore? More so lately. =/ Every time I go out yam cha, outings and what nots, the topics aren't all that pleasant anymore. Surely friends just want to share their anger, grief and disappointments.... bitchy sides... but since when have we slowed down on sharing happy things? Since when has it been awkward to share fun moments with each other? =/
Or was it just me?
Sometimes it feels like it's just me. That I only tend to remember not so happy things. Haha... maybe because it is relatively easier to remember, since people harp on it over and over again anyway. Not only I have very *extremely* emotional friends (if you're guessing females only think again....) also I'm the type that is easily influenced emotionally, especially by sad and depressing matters. I dunno if that sentence made sense though =A=' I think I'm also the type that falls into depression pretty easily too, just that nobody sees it that often, maybe because that usually happens when I'm alone or am too effing free that I think about everything under the sun a little too much.
Though now I'm glad I can say things have been changing for the better, my perception on things at least.... well that's not exactly it either. Hm... Its probably more due to the company I hang out with lately, which influenced me to feel in a more positive light? Ok.... I don't think I'm making much sense. But honestly I suppose that is how I feel right now. I just feel happy with how my life is progressing so far. That's probably all I want to say.. haha.
Cause nobody tells the world in their blogs how happy they are anymore. =X
Xiong Ie claims that happiness is boring, that's why nobody wants to pen it down as memories in their blog. Why? Cause nobody is interested in what great things that made your day anymore, people want to read about dramas, conflicts of interest of self or with other people, bitching... so bloggers cater to the reader's needs. Blog also.... blog about emo stuff. When a great day has passed there's no post on it. Why bother? Nobody comments on those..... ah well anywayz~
So to the people who have affected my life so greatly so far, the ones that I've had the pleasure in spending time with, the ones that have been my ranting box bitching corner and random firing holes, the ones that goes along with my whim and fancies (This actually happens alot... wow so nice la you people hehe..) the ones that has always always been there for me (especially Starry, ahhhh *hugs and clings on you*), the ones that always teman me at the best possible times when I really need human contact.... thank you T_________T I love you all so so much~~~~~
Well, most of the time at least hehe....
Aiya. Listening to slow, close to emo songs now is so not the right timing. =A=;;;;
